Turning 45 made me think about leadership, progression and who gets seen

I turned 45 yesterday 🫨 .

I don’t usually mark birthdays with big reflections, but this one landed differently. Perhaps because I'm at the 'Wednesday' of my 40s, or perhaps because, working for this long means you stop thinking about careers as neat ladders and start seeing them for what they really are: shaped by timing, confidence, opportunity and a set of invisible rules that aren’t written down anywhere.

Over the last 20 years, I’ve worked with leaders, future leaders and people who should have been leaders long before anyone noticed. I’ve also spent time listening to people from under-represented groups talk honestly about how work really feels, through research, programmes and conversations across different sectors.

Across under-represented groups, some barriers to career progression are consistent. Many people described making themselves less visible at work. Not because they lacked ambition, but because visibility came with perceived risk. Confidence was chipped away slowly over time through small signals, assumptions and a sense of not quite fitting. Others talked about choosing safer paths. Not applying for roles. Staying quiet in meetings. Avoiding stretch opportunities. Not because they couldn’t do the job, but because the cost of being wrong, visible or different felt higher for them.

This matters when we talk about leadership:

1) Progression is not neutral. Who gets encouraged, who is seen as ready, and who is told to wait is shaped by comfort, familiarity and bias as much as capability.

2) Confidence is still mistaken for competence. Those who feel safest taking up space tend to progress faster. Those carrying the extra labour of navigating identity or exclusion often appear more cautious, and that caution is misread as a lack of leadership potential.

3) Careers are still expected to be linear. Yet many people describe pauses, sideways moves or slower progression linked to burnout, caring responsibilities, mental health or hostile environments. Leadership systems rarely account for this, even though the talent remains.

At 45, I care less about titles and more about impact. Less about who is in the room and more about who isn’t - and questioning the systems that quietly filter people out. Inclusive leadership isn’t about lowering standards or creating special treatment. It’s about noticing where systems create unnecessary friction, whose potential is being missed, and whose progression depends on resilience rather than support.

Turning 45 has reminded me that awareness is the starting point, not the end. We don’t need perfect leaders. We need curious ones, willing to look honestly at how progression really works and brave enough to change it. If this resonates, you’re not imagining it. The research backs it up. And most people I speak to feel it too, even if they haven’t always had the language or permission to say it out loud.

Oh, and this blog has nothing to do with the Kelpies - which are fab btw!